“Words are, of course, the most powerful drug used by mankind.” — Rudyard Kipling
For the longest time, I thought everyone’s brain worked like mine. I assumed we all processed ideas in the same tidy, linear way. Spoiler alert: I was wrong. It took a few verbal stumbles—moments where my words tripped over themselves—to realize I’m wired a bit differently. When I’m grappling with a complex idea or trying to solve a problem, I need to talk it out. Saying things aloud is like untangling a knotted ball of yarn in my mind—it helps me make sense of the chaos and find clarity.
This process can be a wild ride. Sometimes, I’ll be mid-sentence and hear myself say something that makes me pause and think, “Whoa, that’s not what I meant at all—where did that come from?” Other times, I’ll blurt out a thought and stop, amazed, thinking, “Wait, did I just say that? That was actually kind of brilliant!” Talking out loud is like holding up a mirror to my thoughts, revealing what’s really going on in my head—for better or worse.
I owe this epiphany to my incredible wife. Over the years, we’ve had countless conversations where I’d dive headfirst into explaining something, only to see her brow furrow in confusion. Halfway through my ramble, I’d realize I was lost in my own words, circling around a point I hadn’t quite grasped myself. Recently, I’ve learned to hit the pause button and say, “Hang on, let me talk this out for a minute.” That simple phrase is like a magic wand. It signals to her that I’m working through my thoughts, and it gives me the space to stumble toward clarity. She listens with saint-like patience, and by the end, I’ve often landed on something sharper, clearer, and more meaningful than where I started.
This discovery got me thinking: how often do we misunderstand each other because we don’t realize how differently we process and communicate? How many times have we been this close to a breakthrough in a conversation, only to miss it because we didn’t take that extra step to clarify? I bet it happens more than we think. As the philosopher Epictetus once said, “We have two ears and one mouth so that we can listen twice as much as we speak.” But what if we also need to speak to understand ourselves better?
Communication isn’t something that just happens—it’s a skill we have to hone. It starts with understanding ourselves: how we think, how we express ideas, and what we need to be clear. For me, that means talking out loud and asking for patience while I sort through my thoughts. For you, it might mean writing things down, mulling over ideas in silence, or asking questions to better understand someone else’s perspective.
The beauty of this realization is that it’s not just about me—or you. It’s about creating space for others in our conversations. The next time you’re in a discussion that feels stuck, take a moment to reflect. Are you saying what you really mean? Are you giving the other person room to express themselves fully? One small step—like saying, “Let me think this through out loud” or “Can you help me clarify this?”—can transform a conversation from frustrating to fruitful.
Here’s my challenge to you: Pay attention to how you process and communicate. What’s one thing you can do to make your conversations clearer and more connected? Maybe it’s pausing to gather your thoughts, asking for feedback, or simply listening a little longer. Try it, and you might be surprised at how much easier communication becomes.
Talking it out has taught me that clarity isn’t just about finding the right words—it’s about understanding yourself and inviting others into that process. So, go ahead and have that conversation. Speak, listen, reflect, and repeat. You never know what breakthroughs are waiting on the other side.
David Willis 