7-40 Challenge | Round 4, Day 16
In 2011, I wrote a short passage about a prisoner escaping a cell. He finds a footprint on the floor — proof that someone walked this path before him. He picks up a sword and feels something pulse through his arm. He remembers: I am a warrior. I have purpose. How long have I been hidden away?
I was writing about myself. I just didn’t know how to say it directly yet.
The fear I described fifteen years ago is the same fear I’m still fighting. The what-ifs. What if I’m not good enough? What if nobody cares? What if I put everything I have into this and it doesn’t work?
In 2011, I took those what-ifs to their logical end and concluded they wouldn’t kill me. That was true. But I didn’t do anything about them. I wrote about escaping and then stayed in the cell for another decade.
This year I walked out.
Not because the fear went away. It didn’t. I still feel it when I think about promoting my work. I still feel it when I put something personal on the page and hit publish. I felt it two weeks ago when I wrote that promotion feels like begging and named it for what it is — pride.
The difference between 2011 and 2026 isn’t courage. It’s decision. I decided that knowing what to do and not doing it was no longer acceptable. I built a structure — seven daily habits, forty-day rounds — and I started doing the reps. One hundred and fifty-two days later, the what-ifs are still there. They just don’t run the schedule anymore.
The passage I wrote back then had a line I didn’t fully understand when I wrote it: “The first step was finding the path, and as I make my way I start to remember who I really am.”
I understand it now. The path was always there. The warrior was always there. I just needed enough reps to remember.
