Where are you from? I’ve been asked this question several times over the years. The answer is complicated. If you want to know where I was born, that’s one answer. If you want to know where I grew up, that has multiple answers. Where did I go to high school? There’s another answer for that one as well. Simply put, I grew up in the south half of Oklahoma.

I feel very fortunate and I grew up where I did. Though I attended many schools, most of it occurred before I was 10 years old. I had the benefit of attending most of middle school and all of high school in the same little town in southeast Oklahoma. Durant was a good place to be in the early 90s.

We had moved from a much larger town in Oklahoma where social problems were beginning to develop. I heard when I was older that gang problems had started in the junior high I was attending. From what I was told, they started not long after I left. I am thankful that I missed that part.

It didn’t take long to settle down in the small-town life. I made friends quickly and before I knew it the end of seventh grade quickly became the beginning of my freshman year in college. Everything wasn’t perfect, because nothing ever is. There were girlfriend, breakups , drama at school, loss of friendships, figuring out what I want to do, and so much more.There are a ton of things that happened during those years that I may share on this blog one day. I’m thankful for the time that I lived there. I also remember being very thankful of my time there was over as well. It’s an interesting paradox.

I remember being in a hurry. I always wanted to be older and to do more. As my teenage years went on I could feel the town getting smaller. I know that many of you know exactly how this feels. It’s natural. It was time for change. When I was younger I blamed it on the town, but I now know the town did nothing wrong. It was just time for me to find a new hometown and to keep growing.

If you were part of my life doing those years, I am extremely thankful for you. If we were friends then, I pray you consider me a friend now. If I ever offended you, you have my heart felt apology. if we weren’t friends during those days, and you need one, I am here for that too. I look back on those years fondly. I am grateful. They are part of who I am.

I don’t know if you are like me, but it is easy to get comfortable. You do the same things week in and week out. You watch the same TV shows. You eat the same things. You talk the same talk and dream the same dreams, but do little about it. Does this sound like you? I hope not, but I have a feeling that it probably is. I know I am like that more than I want to be. Isn’t there more to living?

How hard is it to do something new? Go somewhere different? Meet new people? The answer: it can be very hard. It is hard to do all of these things when we are stuck in a rut and when you only have one viewpoint on life. It is hard to look at any options outside of what is normal. It is hard to be anything, but what we have been. You may not want it to be that way, but it is easy. It is routine.

There is a line from the movie The Matrix that sums this up:

You have been down there. You have been down that road. You know exactly where it ends. I know that its not where you want to be. – Trinity speaking to Neo.

When the opportunity to do something new or something that might impact your life arises it is easy to bypass it and go down a road you have already traveled. That is not where I want to be though. I have walked all those paths before. I have seen what they have to offer. The only hope for growing beyond where I am must be on the path I haven’t taken. This is true for my writing, my reading, my faith, and other aspects of my life as well.

I have friends that experienced this first hand. They made a decision to do something radically different with their lives. They uprooted their suburban way of doing things and moved to a different country to do work that has immediate and lasting value. When the opportunity arose they could have picked the way of comfort and politely declined, but they didn’t. They embarked on a journey like they had never experienced. I am happy for them. They stepped out of the comfortable into the significant.

I strive to do the same with my daily choices. I choose the path of significance over the path of comfort. I choose to work out to make my body healthy. I choose to eat good for the same reason. I choose to fill my mind with knowledge. I choose to spend my money wisely and invest in the future. I choose to be the husband and dad I need to be for my family. If I see I am headed down a wrong path I choose to turn around.

I don’t want to go down the roads I have been down over and over. I know what is down there and I know it isn’t where I want to be.

Which path are you choosing?

Has there ever been a time in your life when you felt like you deserved something? I don’t mean something that you earned, but an item that you just had to have? Have you ever wanted something like that? Wanted it so bad that you were willing to be stupid to get it? Yeah, this is one of those stories.

Let me take you back to 2002. I have no idea why my sense of entitlement had grown to this level, but I DESERVED a “new” car. This is regardless of the fact that I had a perfectly good truck that was paid off. I had bought Marixa a new car the year before and I felt like it was my turn. I was dumb with a capital D.

I remember going to the dealership. For some unknown reason I wanted a Pontiac Grand Am. (What was that about?) It wasn’t my dream car, but was the flavor of the month I suppose. As we walked around the lot, I spotted a car that I thought I liked. We took it for a test drive. It was the first car I had test driven, at the first dealership we visited, but I had to have it. I still remember the look of uncertainty on Marixa face. That should have been my first clue to abandon my stupid plan and go get some ice cream.

When we return to the dealership it quickly became apparent that we couldn’t afford the monthly payment. I was undeterred. I had sucker written squarely across my forehead. The salesman, doing what salesman do, had a similar car pulled around and said, “How about this one?” We test drove it and purchased it less than an hour later…for a lot more money than it was worth.

My sense of entitlement quickly faded. Somewhere in the back of my mind I knew that I had made a major mistake. This was compounded by the fact that I lost my job less than six months later. I know not only made a bad deal, but it was about to get much worse.

I needed out of that car in a bad way. I remember the day that I drove to a much more honorable dealership and asked them what they would give me for the car. I sold it to them for a $5000 loss. I then asked him if they had any cars for $1000. They pulled around a 1989 Ford Escort hatchback. After the ordeal that I had just put myself through, that car looked like my dream car. (I drove it for three years and could fill it up for 15 bucks. It was a dream car!)

There are a few lessons that I learned out of this experience that I would like to share with you today.

1. Entitlement is a killer. What do we actually deserve? Only what we have earned. Many times, that isn’t as much as we think. If we have to rely on what we deserve, most of the time it’s not going to be very good.

2. When making financial decisions, it is good to have wise counsel. Mine was sitting with me at the car dealership. I should have paid attention. I should have listened to her. If I had, we would not have gotten into that issue.

3. Debt can be used as a tool. However, the majority of time it’s to used to purchase things that we should wait and save for. I was in no position to buy a new car. I had no idea what car I really wanted. I had no money for a down payment aside from my truck which I let go of for a steal. I could blame the dealership (and I did for a while), but it wasn’t their fault. I was the one making choices.

4. I haven’t taken a loan out on a car since then. I may never again. Being in debt for something that loses value is risky. I am not saying it’s wrong, but it is not something I particularly enjoy.

5. What we drive doesn’t really matter in the long run. Yes, I like nice things. But, they are things. If it is reliable and gets me from place to place, it fits the category of a good car.

I pray if you’ve had an experience with entitlement, it did not cost you what mine did. In many ways I would not trade this experience. It has shaped the way I view things today. It made me painfully aware that I never want to feel that way again.Thankfully, I learned from my mistakes.

Chorus

We will walk together, you and me hand in hand. We will go forever, to the beat of our own band. As long as I have you baby, I have the world and more. I love the way you love me, I can’t wait for what’s in store.

In my post yesterday I recounted the last time I got laid off from a job. It wasn’t a pleasant experience when it happened. However, it turned out to be on of the best experiences of my life. There is…more to the story.

I am part of a professional organization here in in Texas for data management professionals. Yes, I know. It may not sound appealing to you, but I really enjoy it. A couple of months ago we had a day long workshop in DFW. There were several wonderful speakers that day. I was honored to have the opportunity to introduce the speakers after the lunch period was over.

It was awesome. I was reviewing the agenda for the day and the bios for the speakers that I was to introduce. I quickly realized that I had the honor of introducing the man who had fired me from my previous position. Yes. You read that right. The guy who fired me in yesterday’s post was the man I had to introduce in front of several data professionals in DFW.

Holy crap. Really? I have to introduce the guy that fired me? Really? Those were the thoughts that initially went through my head. I quickly realized something different. This is the man that did me an amazing favor. He gave me the opportunity to choose something different and find myself in someplace new.

On the day of the conference, I made my way over to him. He has started a new business (he no longer works for the company that I talked about yesterday) with the CIO of our former company. I shook his hand and a glimmer of recogination crossed his face. Our former CIO came over as we were talking and said, “You look familiar. Do I know you?” I smiled and replied, “I used to work for you, but don’t worry. It was a big company.” She smiled and apologized.

I spoke with both of them for several minutes during a break of the conference. I got the opportunity to do something I never thought I would do. I thanked him for firing me. He looked perplexed. “I fired you? I am sorry. I don’t remember. I had got let so many people go, it really became a blur.” As bad as that sounds, it made sense. The company we worked for was very large, publicly traded, and in a lot of debt. A LOT of people got left go.

He was very pleasant and it was very good to tell him thank you. Looking back 4 years now I didn’t know I would be in this position. I didn’t know the day I got let go from my job would be a pivotal day in my life that I would be so grateful for. I didn’t realize that May 2, 2016 would be one of those days that I would always look back at with gratitude.

I am convinced that our circumstances are what we make of them. If we feel defeated, we will be. If we choose to overcome, there is a great chance we will. Being let go from a job was not an ideal situation, but it is overcome-able. As are most of the things we encounter.

I am thankful. I am grateful. It has not been easy, but it has been worth it. I pray you feel the same way too.