I have had a rough past regarding food. There have been times in my life where there wasn’t much. The have been times in my life where there has been plenty. During the plentiful times I think my unspoken desire has been to make up for lost time and/or calories. Not a great way to be.

That may be why I have been known to eat a large pizza, by myself, in one sitting. I always rationalized that it was thin crust and much less filling, which I still believe to be true. However, thin crust or not, one does not need to eat 2000 calories in one sitting. (I just looked up the info and based this off a Dominos large pizza topped with Pepperoni.) I am not proud to say I have done this many times in my past.

For this reason, my 100 Days Strong journey has been amazing. I have a target calorie goal of 2600. When not eating a large pizza, I am able to fit a plethora of foods inside that count. This includes cookies I get from the cafeteria at work, 250 calories for chocolate chips and M&Ms. I am also able to drink an occasional glass of wine, 280 calories for 12 ounces. When you don’t blow all of your calories in one meal, it is surprising what else you can fit in.

This calorie goal is accompanied by a goal to eat certain percentages of carbs, fats, and protein. God made all three of them, and our bodies need them. It just helps to balance them out.

The result of this? So far I have lost 16 pounds in 40 days. I feel like I am finally getting over my fear of not having enough food and giving myself the freedom to eat what I want…as long as it fits in the numbers.

I am on my way to 100 Days Strong. I can’t wait to get there and see who is staring back at me from the mirror. He will definitely be smaller. He will be more fit. He may even have conquered some very old hang ups about one of his favorite things. I like that.

I made a discovery. More of a rediscovery, actually. I really enjoy performing. It is something I used to do a lot…more than 20 years ago. Last year I auditioned for my church’s Christmas musical. It was awesome. So, I auditioned for the next thing. And then then next thing. Here I am a year later still having a blast.

I forgot how much I enjoy singing. I sang in the choir in high school and in college. I sang in churches after college. Choirs and solos, I did a lot of both. Musicals, on the other hand, I had only been in one. Well, two if you count the weird opera I was in (understudied the evil king) as a sophomore in college.

I have also discovered I love acting. I have been acting like a crazy guy for years, but actually performing a role on stage has been an unexpected treat. Getting to see the world through someone else’s eyes and bring what you see to life. So good.

The part I haven’t enjoyed? Dancing. I was semi coordinated 20 years ago. Ok. Fine. 25 years ago. (I took modern dance in college…I sucked at it, but I took it!) Now? Not so much. It take a ton of repetition to get the moves into my head and out through my body. It is satisfying when I FINALLY get it right, but it takes a fair amount to get there.

All in all, I have found a hobby that I enjoy. Sining and acting come easier than dancing, but I will do all of it with a smile on my face. It is fun again.

I remember the first time. I had just graduated from college. My wife and I headed down to New Orleans. There it was. We could see it from a long way out. As we pulled up to the port we were awestruck. The cruise ship was one of the biggest things I had ever seen.

I remember the walk up to the ship. It was like going up levels in a massive hotel. Everyone was friendly and ready to make money off of me. We weren’t onboard for more than a few minutes when a waiter had already brought us drinks. I had never experienced anything like it.

We were both 23 on that trip and had never been too far away from Oklahoma. That changed after a choppy ride down the Mississippi River and into the Gulf of Mexico. We work up the next morning and I looked out the window. There was only water as far as my eyes could see. It was the freakiest and coolest thing all at the same time.

We ended up in Jamaica, Grand Cayman, and Cozumel on that trip. It was amazing and definitely got us hooked. It was the most awesome sense of freedom being out on the water.

My favorite spot on the ship was in the very front as late in the evening as I could get there. It was usually quiet by that time and I could feel the ocean air in my face and see all the stars up above.

That is what cruise ships have come to mean to me. Freedom.

It is day 38. Yes! I made it. Ok, celebration is over. Back to work.

The good news is, I am seeing positive changes in this 100 Day Strong journey. I have much more willpower than I thought I did. My waistline is slimming down and the scale is not being as ugly to me. As of this morning, I am down 15 pounds in 38 days! Woot! Woot!

I am keeping the post short and sweet today. I have a goal. I will make it 100 Days Strong on my seven part plan. I know there will be trying times, but 38 days in and I am still here.

Ok. I am still celebrating. No, really…back to work!

#100DaysStrong

Every morning he sits in the same place. He drinks the same cup of coffee, black with two sugars. It is a quiet start to every day, but one that he is hesitant to miss. He knows they will only ever be friends, but still there he sits in the same cafe where she works. She knows how he feels, but is unmoved. He deep feelings for her are unrequited.

The scene above is fictional, but the feelings are all too true? Have you ever felt this way? You adore someone that hardly notices you. You profess love for someone that can not say the same. You are full of emotion and yet, it all sits inside. It is heartbreaking. What you feel for someone is not returned in kind.

Just to be clear, what does this word mean?

Unrequited – (of a feeling, especially love) not returned or rewarded.

I have felt this way before. There have been potential friendships in the past where I invested a lot of energy, but the energy was not returned. I have shared my enthusiasm for ideas, and the ideas fell flat. I have expressed romantic interest, only to have that interest turned away. I know what unrequited feels like.

It can be debilitating. If we let it crush us, it can keep us down. We start to see the lack of reciprocation as a personal short coming. The fact that what you are offering is not return can would deeply. But…

If we look at this a different way I think we would discover a few things:

1. If I love someone, what I give does not have to be returned for me to love them. Real love doesn’t work that way. One of my favorite scriptures says it this way:

Love is patient and kind. Love is not jealous or boastful or proud or rude. It does not demand its own way. It is not irritable, and it keeps no record of being wronged. It does not rejoice about injustice but rejoices whenever the truth wins out. Love never gives up, never loses faith, is always hopeful, and endures through every circumstance. 1 Corinthians 13:4-7 NLT

2. If someone does not return what you give, it is just a chance to give that to someone else. If I offer friendship to someone and they don’t return it, I have done my part. Sure, it stings, but I still have that friendship to offer another.

3. I refuse to let my worth be determined by a rejection. Nope. Not going to happen that way. My worth is defined by who God says I am. I am His child. I have worth because He loves me. Jesus came to Earth so we could have life with God. I will let that define my worth.

I look back and I see things clearer. I see those unrequited times. In many ways I am thankful for them. They may have hurt in the moment, but I like who I am and where I am. Many of those experiences helped push me along the way.