It has been almost 13 years…

~ David Willis ~ Leave a comment

It has been almost 13 years. Marixa and I haven’t spent a day apart since August 1, 1998. Some of you are thinking, holy cow! Is that a good thing, or a bad thing? For some people, it may not work out so well. For us, it has been a very good thing. It hasn’t been easy to maintain at times, but it has been very worth it.

While we were dating I read an article about Paul McCartney and his late wife Linda. I don’t remember the exact number, but the article indicated that in all their years of marriage they had only spent a week or two apart. It struck me. I shared it with Marixa and we made it a goal of our own.

I know that there are many people that would not be able to do this. I do not condemn that. Each relationship is different and you have to decide what is best. (I know of couples that would kill each other if they didn’t get a break from time to time.) Simply put, we got married to spend our lives together. We chose up front to make our marriage the priority. It is and will continue to be.

Here are a few benefits we have discovered from choosing to live life together day after day:

1. We work through problems really well. There is no escape hatch. I don’t leave the house to go blow off steam. (I have never slept on the couch either.) We work through our issues together. There have been times it has kept us up till the wee hours of the morning, but we work through the problems as they come. Because of this, there are very few problems that show up now.

2. We remain faithful. I will never cheat on my wife. I would rather eat a bowl full of broken glass than do that to her and my family. Choosing to be with my wife daily safeguards our marriage against infidelity. What I want is right here at home. There is no reason to wander.

3. We get to enjoy life together. Marixa is my best friend. She is my truest and most loyal friend. She is the one I want to come through for. She is the first one I want to tell things to. She is the one I want to hold me when life is too hard. She is it for me. Life is beautiful. We get to do it together.

4. It is very hard to grow apart when you spend time together daily. How many people have I heard of that got divorced because they just grew apart of the years? A lot. They let other things come before their marriage and it got them.

I know that many people don’t fit into the mold we do. Your relationship with your spouse is different than ours (I do hope it is the best thing in your world!). Your work may not allow for this. There may be other obligations that you have. I get that. If you are taking care of all of that and making your marriage awesome, I applaud you.

My primary point in writing this post is this: we got married because we want to be together. Why choose to be apart any more than is necessary? There are things we haven’t done over the years. Trips we haven’t taken. Things we haven’t seen. We don’t miss them. We got married because we want to spend our lives with each other. I don’t regret my choice. I know she doesn’t either.

There may come a day where our streak comes to an end. If it does, there will be a really good reason. and another streak will quickly begin. For now, I am going to enjoy each day with her and our family. It is the life I want to live. It is not the only way, but it is the best way for us.

What about you? Do you spend lots of time away from your spouse? How do you make it work?

Be careful what you say…

~ David Willis ~ Leave a comment

I am amazed at how much power we have. For good or bad. We have a very powerful weapon at our disposal: our words.

Our words have power. How we use them can bring joy or pain. Laughter or tears.You know exactly what I mean. You are probably thinking now about things that you have said or you have said to someone.

For example:

The Bad: You idiot. You are not good enough. Can’t you do anything right? I never loved you.

The Good: You look nice today. Thank you for helping me. I appreciate you. I am a better person because of your influence.

I don’t underestimate the power of my words. I have seen on more than one occasion how the things I say can bring harm. Sometimes when I haven’t intended for it to be that way. I can’t be careless with what I say. What is the old verse? Even a fool looks wise if he keeps his mouth shut.

When we do use our words on purpose it is amazing. A kind work genuinely spoken is like medicine for the heart. The cool thing is it doesn’t cost a thing to make others feel really good. Who do you know that needs your words today?

Stop trying to hit me and hit me.

~ David Willis ~ Leave a comment

I have been frustrated with myself the last few days. Ok. More like these past few months. I have projects that I want to dive into and I have found myself very distracted. Ok. Fine. It has been an issue with me for a long time. There. Happy? Anyway. There have been things that I have wanted to write, projects that I have wanted to finish, and goals that are important to me, but the pattern has remained. I accomplish some and then I fizzle.

Don’t mistake, I have times of high productivity. I work with deadlines really well. When I know what has to be done and I know the time frame I have, I know how to work. This is part of why I am frustrated. When an expectation is placed on me that is outside myself, I rise to the challenge. A lot of times when I set the expectations I find it easy to get off track.

The Matrix is one of my favorite movies. There is a scene in it where the character Neo is in training. His mentor Morpheus is attempting to free Neo’s mind to see the possibilities and the potential that Neo possesses. As they are in a sparring match Morpheus tells Neo, “Stop trying to hit me and hit me.” He is telling Neo that there is more in him. More than Neo can see. More than Neo can even imagine. Neo just has to believe it.

I think the same is true of all of us creatively. There is so much potential for greatness inside. So much that we have yet to tap into. The hard part is sitting down to it, devoting ourselves to our aims, and working like mad until what we first imagined sits in front of us completed. The morale of the story: Stop trying to do it. Just get it done.

What experience have you had with this? How have you overcome it?

Learning to be consistent. In cooking and in life.

~ David Willis ~ 1 Comment

I am a Food Network junkie. It is usually what we have on in the evenings. (So much so that my son, who is two and a half, knows most all of the Food Network chef’s and asks for them by name…) One of my new favorite shows is Restaurant: Impossible. It is a lot like Ramsey’s Kitchen Nightmares, but without all the swearing.

On one episode, Chef Robert Irvine had the kitchen staff, four people in total, cook him the same dish off the menu. Each of them was to cook it the way they would serve it, without communicating with one another. The result? Each person cooked it a different way. The chef’s point was this: if a person comes into the restaurant and orders a dish they want it cooked the same way every time. Because there was no communication in the kitchen (no head chef) there was no consistency to the meal. Success can not be built in that way. It made a lot of sense to me.

I posted a few weeks ago about a disaster I had in the kitchen. You can read about it here. I made a dish called Pasta Carbonara. It is a delicious fettuccine meal that has bacon pieces in a cream sauce. I made it again last night, and atoned for my sins a few weeks ago. While making the dish last night I realized something. I used the wrong recipe a few weeks ago. (I even linked the wrong recipe in my last post…I couldn’t believe it!) I used the wrong blasted recipe! How do I expect to get the same results if I don’t follow the same steps…or at least use the same ingredients?!! It was a lesson in consistency for sure.

This lead me down the path of thought even further. This is one of the lessons I have been learning over the past few months. Learning to be consistent. I am finding it is the path to greater achievement. This has been true in blogging, building relationships, exercising, working, and just about every other area I can think of.  You can’t go to the gym sporadically and expect to build a perfect physique. You can’t spend random time with your spouse and expect for your marriage to be perfect. You can’t expect the dish to come out perfect if you don’t follow the recipe the same way every time. To build (or cook) things of quality and lasting value, you have to be consistent.

It sure makes things taste better when you are.

A knight in shining armor?

~ David Willis ~ Leave a comment

I have been reading back through some stuff I wrote a while back. What you see in italics below is circa 2002, I think. I wrote this bit about how I viewed my relationship with Marixa. I would like to share it with you. I will add some comments at the bottom.

My armor is not as shiny as it used to be. Armor that has been used rarely is. It has withstood the attacks. My lady is safe. This is my achievement. She feels safe, cared for, and loved. I know with certainty she sees no problem with her knight.

In days long ago another tried to take up the shield and sword to defend her. His armor was polished, as was his sword. But, they were both poorly made. His armor cracked. His sword shattered. He fled and left her alone in the wild. Now, she is my lady. This will not happen.

My armor is thick and heavy. It may not shine as it once did, but no matter. Its dull finish is a reminder to those who would try and do her harm. This knight has seen battle and won. I will not take the armor off to polish it. My lady must not suffer attack. Her protection and her honor require that, to the very giving of my life.

I wrote this after we had been married for 3 years. I feel every word of it even more 9 years later. As her husband it is my honor to defend her. She is a strong woman who is more than capable of taking care of herself, but at the same time she has to know that I am fighting for her. Loving her. Caring for her needs. Protecting her and our family from harm. She knows that I am for her.

One of the reasons I remember writing this was to ask this question: Is a knight in shining armor the best? Or is it the one who has fought and proved himself? What do you think?