Category: Love and Marriage

Apartment 380 wasn’t so bad.

~ David Willis ~ Leave a comment

When Marixa and I first got married we lived in an 800 square foot apartment on the north side of Oklahoma City. It was one bedroom and one bath, and fit us perfectly after we said I do. It was filled with a bunch of hand-me-down furniture, including a recliner sofa that had the support beams exposed and an assortmnet of furniture made out of ammo crates. (Yes. Real ammunition crates. Our end tables, microwave stand, bookshelves, and a few other things were expertly crafted from old ammunition crates.)

When we moved in we had very few cares in the world. I had a part time job as did she. I went to school full time. There was a lot of time to hang out together, watch movies, play games, and enjoy life. We had a good thing going. Then, about 8 months in, we started to experience the craving for more. A bigger apartment sounded nice. Soon after that a newer car was a serious want. After that we needed to get out of apartments and into a house. We rented for a while and then we just had to buy. And so on.

Looking back, I miss apartment 380. We had very few debts. Very little worry. Life moved at a slower pace. It is a shame that we didn’t realize it at the time. We had a very good thing at the beginning of our marriage. It was a sacred time. One I would encourage more young couples to take advantage of.

Now, don’t get me wrong, I love my life. There are responsibilities and things to take care of, but I do love it. We are building a life in our home with our family. (We have been in this house for almost 5 years…that is some kind of record!). I do look back on 380 with fond memories. Given the chance to start there again, I know there are some choices Marixa and I would have made different along the way, but we wouldn’t be where we are in so many other ways.

Have you noticed this pattern in your life? Have you ever felt the need for bigger and better? I am convinced that there is much more contentment in simplicity. That is what those days were: simple. I loved it. One day we will get back there again…but not 800 square feet. That just wouldn’t work with kiddos and dogs!

 

 

Yeah, I admit it. I write love songs.

~ David Willis ~ Leave a comment

Over the years I have listened to my fair share of love songs. I love songs that can take you to a feeling you have felt before and make you feel it all over again. Do you know what I mean? Sure you do. They are feelings we have all felt.

I have written a few too. I wrote my wedding song and 4 or 5 more for my wife over the years. I was playing my guitar this evening trying to remember some of the ones I have written. I have a couple of favorites out of the bunch. Some still need some work, but it was that thought that counted.

In 2007 a friend of mine, Ryan, was getting married. He and his bride to be, Chelsea, were discussing what music should be played at their wedding. I was to be the best man, so I had an interest in what they picked. She is beyond musically talented. So, I suggested that she write her song. She kinda laughed it off, until she was riffing on the piano and I asked her to play a section again. I sang a couple lines from a chorus I came up with while she was playing. A really good song ensued.

She later sent me an email telling me what kind of things she wanted to say in the song. I took her suggestions and ran with them. Together We Will Go is a song I am very proud of. Chelsea wrote the piano part and I wrote the words and supplied the melody. We took the song to a recording studio where she recorded the piano track. I was able to use the track she made to sing at the wedding. It was very cool to have the bride playing the piano, while at the same time standing at the front with her groom.

It was an easy song to write. Granted, most of the thoughts that are expressed in it are feelings I have for Marixa, so I was writing from the heart.

Check the song out and let me know what you think. I really like this tune.

01 Together We Will Go

I remember how it felt and I will never go there again.

~ David Willis ~ Leave a comment

It has been several years since I have broken up with anyone. About a decade and a half. I still remember how it felt. The pain in my chest. The overwhelming feeling that I would never be happy again. The doubt and self loathing. Feeling just plain miserable. Any of this ring a bell?

In retrospect, I know that none of those relationships were where I needed to be. But, you never know that when you are in the middle of it. You just know the feeling and emotion that you have put into the relationship. The love and the time you have invested. It is devastating when it all goes up in smoke. Even when you know it all needs to go up in smoke.

When Marixa and I first met I knew I enjoyed being around her. After we hung around a while longer I knew that she could be someone that I could care about deeply. It didn’t take me long to know that I never wanted to hold another hand as long as I live. I knew she was the one for me. I knew something else though (and still know), our relationship has to be a priority every day. There are no days off. She is my bride and my best friend and I am all in.

I remember how the heartache feels. I don’t ever want to forget how it feels, because it reminds me how important it is to love Marixa well. I have to pay attention to her needs. I have to help her be the person she is meant to be. I have to love her the way she deserves to be loved (completely). I have to engage in our relationship so that it stays fresh and vibrant.

As I mentioned in a previous post, I am really enjoying the music of The Civil Wars. They have a very moving song called Falling (if you haven’t heard it you can watch the video below). The first line says, “Haven’t you seen me sleepwalking? Because, I’ve been holding your hand. Haven’t you noticed me drifting? Oh, let me tell you I am.”

Have you ever been in a relationship like this? One where you, or your partner has stopped noticing what is going on? Time is drifting by and one of you thinks everything is ok, but the other is really drowning? What a lonely place to be. Lonely, and totally unnecessary.

What is more important than your relationship with your spouse? Not much that I can think of. She is my partner in this life. I choose to walk with her. I choose to love her. I choose to meet her needs. Actually, I already chose these things in January of 1999. Now, I have to make that choice real every day. It takes work, but I know for sure there will be no sleepwalking in my house.

What? Are you kidding me? That wasn’t hard!

~ David Willis ~ 2 Comments

I remember how I felt after Marixa and I got married. Our marriage was (and still is) awesome. Life was good as a couple, but in a lot of ways I felt incomplete as a man. There were things that I was supposed to know how to do that I just didn’t or hadn’t had much practice at. Changing spark plugs. Basic home maintenance. Working with my hands. You get the general idea.

I remember telling Marixa on more than one occasion that we needed to get help to do this or that. I was 20 when we got married, so I hadn’t encountered a lot of the things that I would need to know how to do, but it still felt like I should be able to do them. I was a bit embarrassed because I had to ask for help. I didn’t realize at the time that asking for help was the first step in getting it right. Not having someone do it for me, but having someone teach me. How would I learn otherwise? (My father-in-law has been a great mentor for me over the years on how-to projects. I love that guy. Aside from my own dad, I can’t think of another man I respect more.)

I know guys who instinctively figure things out. It seems like they do anyway. What I really think they have is the courage to march right into something they may not know how to do and persist until they conquer it. One of the reasons I didn’t attempt more of the projects I would eventually learn how to do is I didn’t want to screw them up and then have a bigger mess on my hands. Basically, I was fearful. Not a good place to be.

I have since adopted this attitude: what is the worst that can happen? Ok, so I don’t get it right the first time. I pick back up and do it again. I was so afraid of trying that I had myself convinced I couldn’t do it. Most of the things I thought I couldn’t do I later found out that I could. Some of them really well. (Changing light fixtures is a breeze. Spark plugs aren’t so bad either.)

Life is about learning, making mistakes, correcting mistakes, and learning some more. If we don’t learn, we don’t grow. We sit in the same place and feel powerless. I don’t like feeling powerless. It sucks the life out of you. I choose the path of resistance. I choose to grow.

I can’t tell you how many times I have uttered the words in the subject line. I am glad that the fear of the unknown doesn’t stop me as it once did.

Have you ever said these words? What experience did you have that led you there?

It has been almost 13 years…

~ David Willis ~ Leave a comment

It has been almost 13 years. Marixa and I haven’t spent a day apart since August 1, 1998. Some of you are thinking, holy cow! Is that a good thing, or a bad thing? For some people, it may not work out so well. For us, it has been a very good thing. It hasn’t been easy to maintain at times, but it has been very worth it.

While we were dating I read an article about Paul McCartney and his late wife Linda. I don’t remember the exact number, but the article indicated that in all their years of marriage they had only spent a week or two apart. It struck me. I shared it with Marixa and we made it a goal of our own.

I know that there are many people that would not be able to do this. I do not condemn that. Each relationship is different and you have to decide what is best. (I know of couples that would kill each other if they didn’t get a break from time to time.) Simply put, we got married to spend our lives together. We chose up front to make our marriage the priority. It is and will continue to be.

Here are a few benefits we have discovered from choosing to live life together day after day:

1. We work through problems really well. There is no escape hatch. I don’t leave the house to go blow off steam. (I have never slept on the couch either.) We work through our issues together. There have been times it has kept us up till the wee hours of the morning, but we work through the problems as they come. Because of this, there are very few problems that show up now.

2. We remain faithful. I will never cheat on my wife. I would rather eat a bowl full of broken glass than do that to her and my family. Choosing to be with my wife daily safeguards our marriage against infidelity. What I want is right here at home. There is no reason to wander.

3. We get to enjoy life together. Marixa is my best friend. She is my truest and most loyal friend. She is the one I want to come through for. She is the first one I want to tell things to. She is the one I want to hold me when life is too hard. She is it for me. Life is beautiful. We get to do it together.

4. It is very hard to grow apart when you spend time together daily. How many people have I heard of that got divorced because they just grew apart of the years? A lot. They let other things come before their marriage and it got them.

I know that many people don’t fit into the mold we do. Your relationship with your spouse is different than ours (I do hope it is the best thing in your world!). Your work may not allow for this. There may be other obligations that you have. I get that. If you are taking care of all of that and making your marriage awesome, I applaud you.

My primary point in writing this post is this: we got married because we want to be together. Why choose to be apart any more than is necessary? There are things we haven’t done over the years. Trips we haven’t taken. Things we haven’t seen. We don’t miss them. We got married because we want to spend our lives with each other. I don’t regret my choice. I know she doesn’t either.

There may come a day where our streak comes to an end. If it does, there will be a really good reason. and another streak will quickly begin. For now, I am going to enjoy each day with her and our family. It is the life I want to live. It is not the only way, but it is the best way for us.

What about you? Do you spend lots of time away from your spouse? How do you make it work?