We recently attended a family reunion, and it’s interesting to see how things have changed as we’ve grown older. There’s now a whole crowd of younger participants, which is both cool and strange at the same time.

During the reunion, I was talking to a cousin who is currently in college. I mentioned to her that my bride and I have been together for 25 years and will be celebrating our 25th wedding anniversary next January. She did the math and realized that I was her age when it all began.

The next question she asked was, “How did you know she was the one?” My answer was simple: she was my best friend, and spending the rest of my life with her was what I wanted most.

As I have reminisced about those days in 1998, I pondered what it was about her that made me so certain. Was it just one thing or a combination of factors? Let’s delve into that for a moment.

At the time, I was 19 years old, fresh out of my sophomore year of college, and sporting a rather ridiculous-looking earring (which she soon talked me out of). She was a couple of days away from turning 20 and was the most refreshing person I had ever met.

When did it all begin? Our official date is June 17, the day we went on a white water rafting trip with our college group. We sat next to each other in the van and played 20 questions. She answered honestly, and I wasn’t afraid to share my answers either. It was an awesome experience.

Throughout that trip, we made every effort to spend as much time together as possible. We would have spent even more time together if it weren’t for our van driver, who got a little too crazy with the brakes on Pike’s Peak. That kind of ride can make you sick in no time, and boy, did it make her sick. But even that couldn’t keep us apart for long.

We quickly discovered that we genuinely enjoyed each other’s company. Being together was simply fun and felt so natural.

On one of the days, I found myself behind the wheel of the church van, although I’m not entirely sure if I was old enough to drive it at the time. She and I were in the front seat, engaging in conversation when somehow we started discussing the kind of weddings we would like. It was all hypothetical, of course. I answered one of her questions by saying, “Yeah, we should do that for ours.” The moment those words left my mouth, I realized what I had said. I glanced over at her, but she didn’t seem to have heard me.

I thought to myself, “Dude, what was that?” I knew I liked her, but where did that declaration come from? Interestingly, one of the guys on the trip later told me it was pretty obvious that we were falling hard for each other. And he was right.

When the trip came to an end on June 20, which also happened to be my new girlfriend’s birthday, we drove back from Colorado and sat together again. During the van ride, we talked more and more until we found ourselves holding hands. She claimed that we hit a bump which conveniently place her hand into mine, but she didn’t let go once the bump was gone.

After we returned, I had to go back to my parents’ house in southeast Oklahoma before heading to a camp where I was working for the summer. It was less than a day since we had been apart when it hit me. I felt like there was a hole in my chest.

You know that Shakespeare line, “parting is such sweet sorrow”? Yeah, I call bologna on that one. There was nothing sweet about it. It felt like a part of me was missing, and I soon discovered that she felt the exact same. We expected to miss each other, but this was something else entirely.

Looking back now, it is all very obvious. I had just spent time with my wife to be. How did I know she was the one? All the signs pointed to the same place. Us. Together. Married. Now here we are 25 years later and I wouldn’t change a thing. I love her more today than ever.

I shaved my beard a few days ago. I will be honest, it shocked me a bit. I haven’t seen my face in over 5 years. After I finished chemotherapy the beard was my return to normal and I have wanted to keep it that way. I am in a musical in a few weeks and my character has to be clean shaven. So, I am being a team player and the beard is on pause for a few weeks.

What does this have to do with candor David? Hang with me, I am getting there.

After I shaved the beard my wife and son both expressed their displeasure. It reminds them of a time where I was not doing so well. But, I see it as a time to create a new memory with a face that I am not used to seeing. In giving me feedback on how I looked, my son told me that he had a comparison in his head that he didn’t want to say out loud. I invited him to share his thoughts. He told me I looked like Brendan Fraser in the Whale. Ouch.

In the past I would have been hurt by these words. I mean, come on. Brendan Fraser was playing a character who weighed 600 pounds. Really? That is what you think I look like? But, that is not how I responded. I knew what my son meant. I don’t look like I weigh 600 pounds. However, my face is full and I am still on my journey to be healthier.

I love that my boy can be honest with me. I want candor in my life. He was honest with me. I agree with him. I prefer the beard as well. I also love that he wanted to be honest with me and didn’t want to hurt my feelings. He is honest and kind. A good combination.

Do you embrace candor? What are your thoughts on how it should be handled?

I read this verse this morning and had to pause. God doesn’t just care about us. He doesn’t just notice when we are in sorrow. He collects our tears. He writes our sorrows down in His book. Why would He do this? The only thing I can think of is Revelation 21: 1-4 where He wipes ever tear away. Even those collected in the bottles. God is good and His love endures forever.

I felt like I got punched in the face today. Ever had a day like that? I had a plan of what I was going to get done. I had goals that were going to be achieved. I was going to finish early so I could sit back and be impressed with the day. Did any of that happen? No.

Within 5 minutes the direction of my whole day turned on a dime. David, we are seeing this issue. David, could you take a look at this. David, why is this doing that? Part of my job is solving problems. I really enjoy it. I just don’t want to solve all of them at once, because I will then solve nothing at all.

What do you do on days like that? I have three steps for you. Of course, there are way more than three, but these usually do the trick for me.

1. Find a space and let your mind go quiet. When all of the noise and all of the voices are demanding attention, sometimes the best thing you can do is take a step back and find some quiet. Breathe. Let your mind slow down for just a few minutes and you will be amazed at how it makes sense of things for you. Just like it was designed to do.
2. Spend time with those closest to you. For me, that is my wife and son. Nobody can calm me down like they can. Hugs and laughter. It does the trick.
3. Most importantly, prayer. I believe that God is here with me. All I have to do is stop long enough to talk with him. Express my frustrations and give him them to him. I am then reminded that He is in control and I can relax and do what I need to do.

It is my sincere hope that days like this are few and far between for you. However, I know the reality you face is much like mine. Sometimes it is a daily affair and the only way through is to have a plan.

What works for you when you feel like you have been punched in the face?

An excellent wife is the crown of her husband, but she who brings shame is like rottenness (cancer) in his bones.Proverbs 12:4 ESV

I have a friend who went through a divorce a few years ago. He did what he could, but his now ex wife would not relent and left him. Their marriage had been rough. They were married for well over 20 years. He had wanted to find life in their marriage, but she would have nothing to do with it.

I remember sitting in his office as he worked through the frustrations and the pain. Although there were hard times, this was a man who did not want to give up. It was only after he had exhausted all available avenues that the end finally came. I respect him greatly for the effort he put in. Many men would not have done it.

Fast forward to this year. He met a good woman after his divorce. They attend church together. They are trying to make good choices. I have had the chance to see a man who was riddled with a cancerous relationship now find a woman who is his crown.

I got the pleasure of attending their wedding. I witnessed two people who have been though their share of hurts and frustrations act like young kids in love. They were so excited to stand in front of the crowd. They were excited to exchange their vows. They were giddy when the ceremony was complete.

The verse above is so true. This man is night and day different than he was a few years ago. I am proud to know him. I am proud of the way he has persevered. I am so happy for the friend he has found. She is his queen and his crown.

I married my excellent one almost 24 1/2 years ago. I know how it feels.