Who am I? Where am I? I see flashes. I almost remember, but it is hard. My gut tells me I am a warrior. I can’t remember. I only know the prison cell I find myself in. How will I escape? I must find a way. It takes some time, but the answer is plain. The only way out is through.

The problem is I don’t know which direction to take. I can hear the sounds of battle, but I am confused. I am so turned around I don’t know north from south. But, I am determined. I will not quit. I will not surrender. It would be better to die fighting than to rot where I am.

The first thing is to get up. The enemy may not notice if I rise slowly, but what if they do? On my feet, I look to my left and right. There has to be a clue…and there it is, a footprint. Was another here before me? Is the path laid out and I didn’t see it before? My legs are tired, but I take the first step and I feel life returning to them.

A sword and shield lay feet away. I take them. As I grasp the hilt a pulse shoots down my arm. My limbs begin to remember something my brain is having trouble making out. I am a warrior. How did I forget? I have purpose. How long have I hidden it away? The first step was finding the path, and now as I make my way I start to remember who I really am.

One of the first Christmas movies I remember watching is the old classic Its a Wonderful Life. I saw it sometime in the 1980s. I had no frame of reference at that point about the major theme of the movie, but it was a great story and I have loved it ever since. 

What is the major theme of the movie?  It is the little kindnesses we show people that make the biggest difference in life. George Bailey was a very giving man. He didn’t want to be trapped in the small town of Bedford Falls, but took over the family business when his father passed away. He gave his efforts to make sure the people of Bedford Falls had an opportunity for decent housing through the work of his Building and Loan business. He stood in the way of the villainous Mr. Potter from bringing harm and ruin to the good people. He was a good husband and father and a good provider.

Despite all of that, he felt unfulfilled. He didn’t realize the good he had done. He felt that it would have been better had he never been born. It was only after a visit from an angel revealed all he had done that he saw it was truly is a Wonderful Life.  

I love that Christmas time gives us a chance to refocus. We are naturally giving at Christmas, when in truth it should be second nature all year round. We have the chance to give small kindnesses and to do good for people every day. George didn’t think he was doing anything heroic, but he consistently showed kindness. It ended up being his legacy and what saved him at the end of the story. 

It is my goal to live my life aware of this theme. What may be insignificant to me may be huge to someone else.  We all have a chance to make a difference. The small daily choices can do more than we might ever realize.

I co wrote this several years ago with a friend for her wedding. hope you enjoy.

Words and Music by Chelsea Kilburn and David Willis

Verse 1

For all of my life I have dreamed of finding a love that is true. I prayed for a friend to walk with me, to see me through. I have spent this whole life searching, just looking for you.

When I finally opened my eyes, and allowed myself to see. I found your right there waiting, patiently for me. You are more than I hoped for, better than my dream. I can’t believe this is happening to me

Chorus:

When I look into your eyes, I see what I can become. I see the future bright, knowing our hearts will beat as one. No, I don’t know what the future holds, but one thing I know that wherever this life may lead, together we will go

Verse 2

It is hard to explain the way I feel, to let you see inside. For there is a part of me that wants to run and hide. But your love comes and takes me by the hand. You calm my fears, you help me understand.

Love is patient, love is kind, and I know this is true. For everyday you show me in the things that you do. You wrap your arms around me and my doubt disappears. The whole world seems right when I have you near.

Chorus:

When I look into your eyes, I see what I can become. I see the future bright, knowing our hearts will beat as one. No, I don’t know what the future holds, but one thing I know. That wherever this life may lead, together we will go.

Bridge:

I want to love you for all of my life and show you the love that I feel inside.

Chorus:

When I look into your eyes, I see what I can become. I see the future bright, knowing our hearts will beat as one. No, I don’t know what the future holds, but one thing I know. That wherever this life may lead, together we will go.

Do you ever get the feeling that you have been sold a lie? That is exactly how I felt after I graduated college. I was proud and excited about this piece of paper that I was sold, knowing that it would ensure a better future for me. It did not take long to find out that those hopes were misplaced. I had my college degree, but where was the career that was supposed to follow it?

After many months of searching, nothing had turned up in my degree field. I was forced to take other jobs and I still had no clue what I wanted to do with my life. I was discouraged. I was disappointed. Was there something more I needed to do? The answer inside me was a resounding YES! There had to be. There is something in college I had failed to do. The hard part was figuring it out and admitting it.

Now before I go any further, please understand I am not upset at the schools I attended. They sold a product that I willingly bought. I chose the degree field. I chose my course of study. I even chose where I would go to school. No it was not the University that was to blame for my plight. I believe they could have done more to help me along the way, but ultimately it was my fault.

 Was it really though? Was it my fault I had not found a job? Yes. Was it my fault that I had not had a true sense of direction? Yes. Was it my fault that I found myself in a season of doubt? Yes. It was my fault. I floated through every decision I had made up to that point and just assumed tat they were the right ones. After all, I was 18. You are supposed to choose what you want to do at 18 and stick to it for the rest of your life…right? In a word…no.

What was missing? There was something I hadn’t done. What was it that I had neglected to do while I was still in college? Or even before college? This is so simple that it is going to sound simple. I never sat down, got honest, and made a plan. Yep…I told you it would sound simple. I never sat down and thought through where my decisions would take me.

The crazy thing is I had these thoughts and feelings twenty years ago. I thought I was alone in my struggles. Yeah, right. I had to realize what so many others have had to figure out…a degree isn’t a guarantee of anything. Now more than ever, it is just a one of many tools that can help with your career, but there is so much more you have to have.

Thankfully, I finally started asking the right questions and eventually got to a career that I love. It didn’t come haphazardly though. I’ve had to keep my eyes open. I’ve had to keep learning. I’ve put in a ton of work. I had to realize that this was never a destination I was traveling to. It is a journey that I have to stay on.

If you ever find yourself asking, “OK, now what?” maybe it is time to sit down and figure out what the future needs to look like. Ultimately, it is up to you. That is scary and awesome all at the same time.

One of my favorite Christmas songs is the old Irving Berlin classic, White Christmas. We all know the song. I’m dreaming of a white Christmas, just like the ones I used to know… Did you know that the song has a verse before the famous chorus we are all used to? It does. The first time I saw the sheet music I thought, “Hey, what is this?”

The sun is shining, the grass is green, The orange and palm trees sway, 
There’s never been such a day in Beverly Hills L.A. 
But it’s December the twenty fourth,
And I am longing to be up north.

Strangely enough, the song made more sense to me after I saw those lyrics and I appreciate it more.

Why are we so fascinated with having a white Christmas? Here is my opinion: Snow is fresh, clean, and bright. When we wake up on Christmas morning and there is a fresh blanket of snow on the ground our world feels peaceful and calm. It gives us permission to stay in where it is warm and spend time with the ones we love…or to go out in the snow with them and play like we did when we were children. It brings a peace that is healing to the soul.

I have only experienced a few in my life. I live in Texas and it does snow here sometimes, but there is no guarantee for the last week of December or that any of the snow will stick. So, when it happens I feel very grateful. The Christmas days that it has been sunny and 60 degrees make me feel a sense of loss and longing. I too want to be up north, where the treetops glisten and children listen to hear sleigh bells in the snow.

I hope this Christmas day finds you in a place of peace and joy. If your Christmas is white, all the better.