I am still in awe of how cool it is to be a dad. The older my boy gets, the more awed I am. Every day is something new. I love it.

Today I was carrying him out of a store. He is one year old and full of life and I was having a great time hanging out with him. He looked up at me and then grabbed me around the neck and gave me a hug. It doesn’t get much better than that. Then, the little stinker looks me right in the eye and head butts me. So, I took his challenge. I squared me head to his and he head butted me three more times, grinning all the while.

He is learning and growing so fast. I am cautious about my time with him. I don’t want to miss a thing. Even a head butt between the eyes.

(Found this in something I had written over a year ago. I am more in awe now than I was then. My son turns 2 next week.)

Have you ever found that you don’t enjoy something as much as you once did? It is not that the activity has changed, but you have. The things that mattered the most at one point in time are now trivial things that only come up now and again. Seasons change and so do people.

A wise man once said, "For everything there is a season." I am finding this true in my own life more and more. The more the seasons change, the more I find myself different than I once was. At one point in time I considered it madness to get up before 8 am unless I had to. Sleeping till 10 was even better than that. Now, my alarm is set for 5:15 am every day (except maybe Saturday and I will sleep in till about 7, but that is pushing it.) I used to enjoy laying around and loafing my days away. Now I have to be doing something productive…or mostly productive.

It is more than just these things though. With every stage of life I find myself at a place of possible reinvention. The things I have outgrown I have the option to remove from my life. I have the freedom to search out the things that my heart and soul are searching for. I don’t have to be a fixed object. The seasons change and I can too.

One of the definitions of insanity is doing the same thing over and over the same way and expecting different results. Could it be the seasons have changed and it is time to change with them? I would much rather be my authentic self in the season that I am in and not be caught without a coat wishing for summer in the middle of a blizzard.

I am in a fight. It leaves me alone if I drop my guard, but I remain a prisoner. The only way out is through. The problem is i don’t know which direction to take the battle. I am so turned around I don’t know north from south. But, I am determined. It would better to die fighting than to rot where I am. The first thing is to get up. They may not notice if I rise slowly, but what if they do? On my feet, I look to my left and right. There has to be a clue…and there it is, a footprint. Was another here before me? Is the path laid out and I didn’t see it before? My legs are tired, but I take the first step and I feel life returning to them. A sword and shield lay feet away. I take them. As I grasp the hilt a pulse shoots down my arm. My limbs begin to remember something my brain is having trouble making out. I am a warrior. I have purpose. How long have I hidden it away? The first step was finding the path, and as I make my way I start to remember who I really am.