We went to the zoo today. It was the first time in years we’d gone as a family; our son was much younger the last time. We spent a couple of hours walking around, and two of the animals have stayed with me.
The bear
It was about 75 degrees with a good breeze. At the bear enclosure most of them were asleep or lounging. One was lying right against the window, drifting in and out of sleep with her paw raised against the glass. I put my hand on the other side, and we got a picture of it. She never opened her eyes.
Outside she had a whole enclosure, with fresh air, room to roam, and everything a bear might want. She stayed inside on her mat.
A wild bear on a cool morning would be foraging and moving with purpose. It lies around after a big meal, once it has earned it. These bears don’t hunt. The food arrives, so they rest because they can.
The gorilla
Further on, at the great apes, a keeper put a pointer on the glass. The gorilla reached up and tapped the spot, and she handed him a snack. He did it perfectly, every time.
Maybe I’m projecting, but he looked sad. It was small tricks for small rewards. When the keeper walked away, he sat there like he wasn’t sure what came next.
Me
I’ve been trying to get my past down on paper lately, so I can see who I am by where I’ve been. In the office where I spent most of my twenties, the one with the cigar smoke, I was that gorilla. I did my little task, took my little reward, and went home emptier than I wanted to be. When I wasn’t tapping the glass, I was the bear, lying on the mat when I should have been out hunting.
Two things changed that before I turned thirty. In late 2007 I started a new job in a field I knew nothing about, at a company I wanted to earn my place in. And my wife was a couple of months pregnant.
The bear and the gorilla don’t lack the ability to hunt. They lack a reason to. Mine was born the next summer. Today he walked the zoo beside us, six foot two.
