Start to your Easter weekend!

There have been a lot of storms lately. They have been here on and off for a few few weeks it seems. I saw more lightning in the sky the other evening than I have seen in a long time. It looked like God was putting on a firework show. It rained and rained and the wind blew, but we were no worse for the storm. Not all storms are like this where we live in Texas. When we lived in Oklahoma it was a different story. With many Oklahoma storms come tornadoes and severe damage.

I remember the big tornado that hit south of Oklahoma City in May of 1999. It was categorized as a F5, which is only one step below the worst classification. The winds in a F5 blow 261 – 318 miles per hour. It was nearly a mile wide. It devastated much in south Oklahoma City and surrounding communities. I was saddened by the loss of life that happened that day and grateful that none of the ones I loved were in the path of the storm. They almost were, but not quite.

Marixa and I had been married for four months at the time. My mom and dad were coming up to the city to see us from southeast Oklahoma. I remember they called me and asked if  they needed to pick up dinner, or if we were going to eat when they arrived. Marixa and I had just finished, so they decided to stop for a bite to eat. Turns out that was a very good thing. When they got to the city my dad told me they were about five minutes south of the tornado when it hit. They might have been in the middle of all of it had they come north a little quicker. I am glad they stopped to eat.

I knew others who barely missed having their homes destroyed. Some who were not as fortunate. The wind blew harder that day than it has on any day since in Oklahoma. I am amazed at the strength and resolve of my friends and neighbors. They took an awful shot from the weather, but did not fold. The city drew together. People helped each other. The community healed. You drive through the affected areas and you might never know what had occurred there 12 years previous.

What do you do when the wind blows? There are times in life where we are tossed and thrown and don’t know if we will ever see safety again. Do you go the storm alone? Or do you pull together and weather it? In many cases the aftermath of the storm is devestating, but you can weather it. It may take time, but things can and will get better.

Stay safe.

I was reading the other night and a startling image caught me by surprise. The light of my iPad was shining in my face and I looked up for a moment and caught a glimpse of myself in the mirror. Maybe it was just the half light of the screen that made my face look older? It wasn’t. It certainly accentuated the lines that didn’t used to be there. I almost didn’t recognize myself. When did my reflection start looking so old?

Ok. I am not that old, but I am certainly starting to feel older. I will be 42 later this year. I haven’t been feeling it too much, but it I ha s my moments for sure.

IiiPart of aging includes remembering. Marixa and I have been talking a lot lately about memories. What do we remember? How long has it been? What significance did that period of time have? What did we learn? This is what I pulled from the conversation: What we remember is important. What we do with it is more important.

You hear the hypothetical question all the time: if you could go back to when you were younger, knowing what you know now, would you do it? My answer? No. Sure it would be nice to go back and make better use of my teenage years, save some more money, not date some of the women I dated, and so on, but I wouldn’t be the same. If I made it back to where I am now with a different view of life I may not have the things that mean the most to me now: my wife, my son, etc.

It was all of those life experiences that have made me into the man that I am today. If I hadn’t made a lot of the blunders and idiot mistakes I made over the years, I would not be who I am. It has taken a while, but I am really starting to like the guy in the mirror. I am finally becoming comfortable being myself. I know myself much better these days. It was only through the process of self discovery (and getting older) that I got here.

The old saying is true. People who don’t learn from their mistakes are destined to repeat them. Those who don’t remember what happened, may walk down that road again. There are things in my past I am not proud of. There are choices I made that I would not make again. So, I remember them. I remember how it felt when I was going through them. I don’t want to go back so I choose a different way.

Yeah, he’s getting older. There are more lines on his face. There is much more gray on his head than there used to be, but they guy in the mirror’s life is getting better. I can’t go back and change what has happened in the past, but I am doing my best to take the memories I have and learn from them. The reflection is going to keep getting older, but the smile on his face has a chance to get wider as the years go by. I will take that over going back any day.

Not long ago I spent some time sorting memories. Ok, old papers and pictures, but they brought up a lot of memories. Many good. Some painful. Some things I haven’t thought of in over 20 years…or more. I have come across memoribilia from a couple of things I don’t remember doing, but I am in the pictures. (That isn’t a good feeling.) I have run across evidence of things I know I did that I wish I could forget. And, I have been bombarded with a lot of good memories.

I have enjoyed the trip back in time. It wasn’t intended as a pleasure trip though. I have been searching through this stuff to see what I can remember (or find out) about myself. Who I was back then has a bearing on who I am today. I may be completely different, but where I am now started back down that road. Parts of it have grown fuzzy. I have noticed that we tend to forget things about ourselves. Sometimes, they are very important things. Pieces of who we are and why. Life presses down on us so hard that we forget. Have you ever had times like that?

For instance, I was almost a straight A student when I was in grade school. There were a few Bs here and there, but I did really well. What do I remember? I was very unmotivated in High School. Lots of Bs and Cs. I was just as bad in college. What happened? I made the Jr. Honor Society as a kid, but I had to have my Plant Biology professor grade my final before I left the class to make sure I would pass the class so that I could graduate from college. (I was happy with the D I made in that class at the time, but looking back now I know I could have done so much better.) I still haven’t figured it all out, but I know there is something important I am missing there.

How long has it been since you examined who you are now compared to who you were back then? History really does repeat itself if we forget or neglect to remember. If we forget where we have been, we may make the same mistakes we made long ago. We may be bound by the same problems that should have already been over.

It has been painful to see my younger self in some of the pictures. (I had an unhealthy fascination with posing for the camera.) But, it has been amusing at the same time. There are things I have remembered by looking at these pictures that have been long forgotten. It has been an interesting look in the mirror. One I should have taken before now.