This is one I wrote 14 years ago about my favorite person in this world. I am more in love with her every day and love nothing more than a good ride down the highway by her side.

I have something to confess. I don’t know how to say this. Well, maybe I do. I’m not ashamed of it, but I do admit it causes some people trouble. There are many that don’t like it and are very vocal about it. I am asked to defend myself…I am a New York Yankees fan.

What? You expected something worse didn’t you?

It’s true. I have been a Yankees fan for as mind as I can remember. I even had a book when I was a kid (30 + years ago) called On The Eighth Day God Created The Yankees. I admit, I was frustrated with the team with the whole A-Rod thing, but overall I have been a fan for a long time.

So, why the big reveal? What’s the big deal? I get asked about being a fan quite a lot. Why? My hat.

I wear my Yankees cap just about everywhere. If I could wear it to work I would, primarily to keep my head warm. What have I found? It is the biggest conversation starter I own. Apparently the NY symbol is very polarizing. Many people love the Yankees. Even more hate them. Lots of folks don’t care at all. I talk to all of them.

Not long ago I attended a new class at church. One of the guys there was a big Philadelphia Phillies fan. We took friendly jabs at each other. We both admitted we enjoy baseball and could agree to disagree on the best team. The hat was a vehicle for conversation and it was good.

Another time I was in a grocery store in North Ft. Worth. I walked up behind an elderly man and his wife at the checkout stand. He turned around and saw my hat and in his best Godfather voice says, “How you doin?” He then asked me “How long you been down here?” I told him I’ve lived down here all my life, but have been a fan for as long as I can remember. He smiles at me and says, “You know, my priest one time said to me ‘Harold, there are two types of people in the world. Good people and bad people. There are way more good people than bad.’ I can tell,” he says with a smile and a wink, “you are one of the good ones. Forget about it.”

First off, I was blown away by how kind he was to me. Here was a guy in his 80s that was identifying with me because of my hat. Also, a real New Yorker told me to forget about it. Get out of here.

There was another instance that wasn’t so good. My son had his Yankees cap on one day while playing video games with a group of boys he didn’t know that well. The boys in the room started to make fun of him because of his hat. My boy doesn’t even like baseball. He wears it to be like me. He was proud of it because he got it for his birthday. Him wearing it says something about his relationship with me. Unfortunately he experienced something uncomfortable from something that brings him joy.

I find it amazing that something as simple as a hat could be the driver for all of these events. It has been a great way for me to identify with people around something I enjoy, show my own individuality, and surprisingly a way to show my son how to deal with adversity.

What is the point? We are all different. We all enjoy different things. I believe our differences make us interesting and can actually draw us together. Or, we can agree to disagree and still get along.

Go Yankees.

This is a song I wrote several years ago. It is a fictional account of a guy seeing someone he should have been better to and the remorse he feels at letting her get away.

Can I just say, I am so glad it is 2019. Not just because it is a new year…that is usually really cool all by itself…well, actually…yes. I am thankful it is a new year, just for that reason. As you may know, or read from one of my previous posts, 2018…..was not by favorite.

Even as I typed those last few sentences, I have to pause and admit that there was a lot of good that came out of 2018. What?!! It is true. Yes, I was diagnosed with cancer and the tumor was not small. I went through chemotherapy, major abdominal surgery, and 22 radiation sessions. I spent a lot of the year in doctors offices, 28 days in the hospital, and just did not feel good for many days. I would not choose to go through a year like that on purpose. With all of that said, I can say with no reserve that there were good times last year as well.

Someone asked me the other day how I made it through last year with such a good attitude. Well, first off…I am an optimist at heart. God made me that way, and I am very thankful he did. It made it more bearable. But, that isn’t what got me through. What did get me through? I will focus on three things:

First, I have never been more grateful or thankful that I have been over the last year for my family.

• My darling bride is one of the strongest, most wonderful people I know. She took this oversized man up in her arms and she cared for me and loved me and comforted me, even though she was having to face that her husband was very sick. She was my rock last year. She will tell you that she wasn’t strong last year, and she would be wrong. She was strong for me. She kept my eyes pointed in the right direction. She encouraged me countless times. She loved me consistently. She is the best friend in my world. I am so thankful for her and I want to spend the rest of my days reminding her how much I love her and how thankful I am for her.

• My boy has been my bright spot and the joy of my heart during this time. He is one seriously good guy. He has an amazing heart. He takes care of his mama and me and doesn’t blink an eye. He makes us laugh daily. He makes me laugh even when I don’t think I have a laugh left in me. I love spending time just being with him and watching him be himself. I am so proud of this boy and I am so thankful for him. I pray I get to watch him grow into the awesome man he will become for the next 50 years.

• My mom and dad are two of my favorite people in this world. Not only did they put up with me while they raised me, they have never been further than a phone call a way my whole life. When I got sick last year, they dropped everything and were by our side. When I started my chemotherapy treatments my dad drove 200 miles to take me to the hospital to be with me and encourage me. I know that my mom spent countless hours in prayer for me (dad did too) and gave me so much love and encouragement. I cannot express my gratitude enough.

I could go on and on with this category. I haven’t mentioned Marixa’s parents or our God given family, Colt and Mariah…I feel the same about all of them as I do about what I wrote above. God has been so good to me with the family he has given me.

Next, my relationship with God has never been more real. I understand that many reading this may not believe like I do, but I would be remiss if I didn’t say that I am so thankful to God for the love and care he has shown me for all my life and for 2018. From the moment that I got sick till now, I can see His hand on my life. Let me explain.

• I was fired from my last job in 2016. We lived in Oklahoma and had just bought a house about a year before. Within three months of being fired, our family uprooted and moved to Texas. I now have a new job that is so much better. I have good health insurance. I have short term disability insurance. All of these things happened in preparation for 2018. I know where we were. I know where we are now. I can see God’s hand.

• Every time I turned around last year, something was in front of me that was encouraging. Every bible study I read hit me right where I needed it. Every time we went to church it was like the minister was talking straight to me. You may call it coincidence, but it happened too many times…too often…it was too on point and so real. God’s presence was there. I believe it as firmly as I believe anything else in my life.

• Even through the uncertainty and doubt, which I had plenty of…there was an underlying peace that settled over my heart. Sometimes I had to focus really hard to find that peace, but it was there. It never left me. The still small voice was louder than it has ever been in my life.

• I know now more than ever, I am here for a reason. I don’t know all of the details of that reason, but I know that God has a plan for my life. It is a plan to prosper me and not harm me. He is giving me a hope and a future. (See Jeremiah 29:11)

Lastly (for this post, I really could go on for a while), we chose as a family to keep doing things that we could do to make memories. I have some really good memories of last year too:

• Marixa loves to garden and needed a potting bench built. So, 10 days out of a chemotherapy session I marched out to the garage and built her a potting bench…that would also double as a bomb shelter. That was one of the heaviest things that I have ever built. For all of my life I have been able to pick up and move just about anything I want to pick up and move. That doesn’t work so well after chemotherapy. It took all three of us to get that table (not fully constructed) from the garage to the back yard. I had to finish building it in the back yard. I like that memory. Marixa loved the table. Sick or not, that was a win.

• We moved into our house 2 and a half years ago. When we moved in we knew that the house had good bones, but some of the coverings were less than desirable. During 2018 we were able to work on the house to make it work much better for us. Marixa has painted and updated many rooms in the house. We were able replace the flooring in the public spaces of the house (when we moved in there were 5 different kinds of flooring in the house…hodge podge is a good description if you ask me). With Marixa’s amazing touch the house is a place of comfort. Having that space to heal in has been amazing and I am crazy thankful. God is good.

• We were able to take a family vacation in August of last year. This was in between all the craziness, but we were able to get away and spend time as a family. We got to see some of God’s beautiful creation in the Caribbean and we ate too much. With uncertainty of the future hanging in the air, having the opportunity to get away and breathe was amazing.

Like I said before, I could go on for a while. There are so many things from 2018 that I am thankful for. That is the point I am trying to make though. We have no guarantee that this life is going to be easy. We cannot control all of the things that happen to us. However, we can control the way we face it by the choices we make. I choose to look for the blessings in my life. When I look for them I find them. I choose to value the ones I love and show them every day. As far as I know right now, the cancer is gone. However, I don’t know the future. I will choose to face it with optimism, thankfulness and gratitude. Through that lens, I can certainly see the bright spots in a dark year.

The Butterfly Effect and Me

Can one mundane decision change your life? Many of us would like to think that the little decisions we make are just that…little…insignificant…you know, mundane. At one point I may have agreed with you. Not now. Why you ask? The butterfly effect.

What is the butterfly effect? Aside from being an Ashton Kutcher movie, it is also a scientific theory that the beat of a butterflies wings on one side of the world can cause a chain of events that causes a hurricane on the other side of the world. I’m not a scientist, so check out Wikipedia for that story, but what I do know is small things (or choices) can cause big results.

I could catalogue many different little things that have turned out to be big, but I will offer these two:

1. It was the spring of 1998. I was a sophomore in college and in serious need of community. I had moved a couple of hundred miles away from home to follow my dream of being an opera singer…ok, that wasn’t my dream, but I was a vocal major for a couple of years and opera may have been involved…and I didn’t have a lot of friends. So, I started attending the Baptist Student Union on campus. It was full of cool people and I really enjoyed drinking soda and playing ping pong.

One of the guys that I met there, Matt, was a student at the university and also the college pastor at a local church. He invited me and anyone else interested to come with him to Bible study at the church…more free food was involved, so naturally I was in. I enjoyed being around Matt. He was funny and a good dude. So, as I had the chance I tried to get more involved.

On April 1st of 1998, a fool of a day, I went out to meet Matt at the church. While we were walking in, a very pretty blonde haired lady was walking out. Matt introduced us and we went on about our days. I had no idea that I had just met my future wife…who I have been married to for over 20 awesome years.

Going out to the church was not a mission to meet girls. It was just a simple decision that led me to the most wonderful friendship I have ever know. Who knew that free food and ping pong could lead to so much good?

2. When my bride, Marixa, and I got married we were very much in love. It is a good thing too, because we barely had two pennies to rub together. So, we had a small apartment and both got jobs to pay the bills. I became a music/youth leader at a church and Marixa went to work at a beauty salon. (That is what they call places where they do nails, hair, massages and all that stuff right?)

Marixa did her best to fit in and soon became friends with one of the ladies at the salon. We were soon hanging out with her friend from work and the friend’s fiancé, J. We really enjoyed their company and were friends for a quite a while.

A few years passed and I was no longer working in churches and was in a job that I, quite frankly, hated. The office I worked in had more cigar smoke in it that a biker bar. The owner of the business smoked 4-6 stogies a day…10 feet from my desk. I was an “office manager” which basically meant a glorified step-and fetch. No bueno.

On day, J called me and asked me to send my resume. He was working for a really good company and they needed an entry level person. At that point, I didn’t care what I needed to learn…it sounded awesome and I wanted the job. I mean, they got to go to work and have fresh air?!! Soon after I was in an interview, and then hired into an entry level job, and then promoted, and then, and then…that was almost 12 years ago.

Marixa taking a job at a beauty salon and befriending cool people has led me to a career I love, doing a job I would t have known how to describe back in the day. (As a side note, I did not finish the music degree and my twenty year old singing self would be disgusted with my 40 year old data manager self…oh well!) I can’t even imagine where we would be without the events I described above taking place.

These things seemed mundane at the time. They were small day to day things that have led us down an amazing path. Like I said at the beginning of this post, I can name several other things that have been equally as impactful, for either me or those very close to me.

I can’t even begin to describe how crazy thankful I am for these small things. Interestingly enough, both of the people that helped initiate these changes in my life have been out of my life for quite some time. In both cases, life took us all different ways. I am thankful for the time I spent with them and the positive influence they had on my life, whether they realized they did at the time.

Have you had a similar experience? Finding those amazing small things in your life brings into focus how important it is to live in the present every day. I pray I have been a help to others the same way these to awesome people were to me.