David Willis Lessons Learned

What we think about.

It occurred to me some time ago that I needed to be putting better things into my head if I wanted better things to come out of it. For months all I would listen to was the same music over and over, the same audiobooks over and over, and watch the same movies over and over. I wondered why my thinking never really evolved past where it had been. It is obvious looking back.

What you put in really is what you get back out. If you put in good, you get good in return. If you put in crap, you get crap in return. If you put in a random assortment of unconnected crap, you get an unsettled mind that can not find firm ground. But, here is the cool part: If you put in a stream filled with awesome, inspiring, instructive, thought provoking stuff….you fill in the rest of the sentence. It is like a light bulb came on in my head. What I was putting in is what I was getting out.

So, I have been trying to do this very thing. I have stopped listening to standup comedy. (There are some artists that are doing it right, but many are not. Why does it seem like a competition of who can be more vulgar or outlandish? I will save that for some other time…) I have stopped listening to some of the music that I had let slip in. For the most part, I have stopped watching TV. (I reserve the right to hang on to the Biggest Loser and the Food Network). I have made a huge attempt to remove many of the negative influences that have had a free pass into my mind.

The result? For starters my mind has found some peace. For a while I had my iPod in my ears most of the day. I wasn’t giving my brain any downtime. I take periodic times for quiet now. I have chosen some thought provoking listening (the writings of John Eldredge, Andy Andrews, CS Lewis, Mark Batterson, Seth Godin, Dan Miller, Dave Ramsey, and others). I have soaked up much of the information like a sponge. I see some of what I have read coming back through in my daily decisions. Also, I find I don’t have much bad to say about anyone. I am not putting negative into my brain, so I don’t feel the need to let negative come back out of it. There are positive ways to get through the issues.

What do you think about the most? What are you allowing into your mind that is shaping your thoughts? The good news is we can replace the negative thoughts for good ones. It takes work. It takes time to build new patterns. But, in time when we put good things in, we will definitely be getting good things out.

David Willis Lessons Learned, Life

It is never too late…

I read a phrase recently that struck me: It is never too late to be who you might have been. I read this in an article that was written by Mark Batterson about goal setting. It is worth taking a few minutes to download and review. It jumped off the page and hit me over the head…in a good way.

Mark is the pastor of a vibrant church in the Washington DC area. This line is one of the church’s core values. It is never too late to be who you might have become. That means that no matter how much time has gone by, you can still move toward a worthy dream. The dream may look a little different than it did when you first dreamed it, but it is worth pursuing all the same. The dream leads you to be more of who you really are.

An example from my life. My Grandma Willis was in her later 50s when she went back and got her art degree. She was quite the artist and quite the woman from what I remember and the stories I have been told. It was a proud day for her when she accomplished it. She achieved a dream that many people would have though her too old to have. She didn’t give it up. There are pieces of her art hanging in my parent’s house. I, for one, am glad she didn’t give up the dream. The paintings that she left behind are a reminder to not give up. That inspires me.

How about you? What dream have you been holding on to? Has it been in you, dormant for years? Maybe it is time to dust it off. Is there a goal you have wanted to achieve? Maybe it is time to hold it in your hand.

It is never too late to be who you might have become. Best start today.

David Willis Lessons Learned

The power of choice.

I looked in the mirror not too long ago and was disgusted with what I saw. I weighed over 280 pounds. My face was puffy. I felt horrible. I looked horrible. It felt like it was something I couldn’t control.

This was taken in the summer of 2009. I have gained a couple of pounds since then, but am still over 40 pounds lighter than the big guy on the right.

We all know that this is not the truth. One of our most basic freedoms is the freedom to choose. I had the freedom to stop putting bad food in my mouth. I also had the freedom to exercise like a maniac, though I wasn’t. The problem was this: It was something I couldn’t control then, because I thought I couldn’t control it. Perception became reality.

Then, one day I woke up. Somewhere deep inside I made the choice to change. I am 40 pounds lighter now, and I am still a work in progress. I know that if I want to make the long term goal I have set I have to break it down into smaller goals. What I want to do five years from now is affected by what I do today. So, I simply have to make sure I have a goal for today. That goal has to be a part of my goal for the week, which are a part of my goals for the month, for the year, and for five years out. If I choose to what is right today, I can choose the same tomorrow and for the time to come. The goal will become a reality.

I am proof of this. I look in the mirror now and then back at pictures of me from then. The power of choice is quite evident.

David Willis Lessons Learned

Failure is only the end if you let it be.

Around my house there is no shortage of cartoons. I live with an awesome two year old. He loves Toy Story, Monster’s Inc., Robots, and many others. His current favorite is Meet the Robinsons. I hadn’t seen this one until a few months back. It is one of the best kids movies I have seen in a long time.

There is a scene in the movie where the main character, Louis, messes up trying to fix a peanut butter and jelly sandwich maker. PB&J goes everywhere. He is devastated and starts apologizing to everyone around. They look puzzled at him and then congratulate him for his failure. One character tells him, “From failure we learn. From success…not so much.” He is then introduced to the motto Keep Moving Forward. It is a great scene.

I love it when there are adult sized lessons built into the kids stories. Louis thought that failure was the end and that he would continue to be a failed inventor. He later finds out that he is the one that invented the future he sees around him. He is not a failure at all, because he didn’t let himself be. He kept creating and looking for new ways to do things. He kept moving forward with his dreams.

There is a great quote from Walt Disney at the end of the movie. I shared it in an earlier post, but it is worth sharing again:

Around here, however, we don’t look backwards very long. We keep moving forward, opening new doors and doing new things, because we are curious…and curiosity keeps leading us down new paths.

This is a note of encouragement this evening. You have dreams inside of you. You may have failed a time or two, but it just might be the time to pick back up and try again. What are they? Why have you put them on hold? Have you been looking backward too long and not been able to focus on what is ahead? You can do it.

Don’t be afraid of failure. That will happen from time to time. The main fear I have of failure is that I won’t learn the lessons and have to do it all over again. I want to learn. I want to grow. Years from now I want to know that I gave it all I could. It is hard to do that when you are looking back too long. Failure is only permanent if you let it be.

David Willis Lessons Learned, Love and Marriage

I remember how it felt and I will never go there again.

It has been several years since I have broken up with anyone. About a decade and a half. I still remember how it felt. The pain in my chest. The overwhelming feeling that I would never be happy again. The doubt and self loathing. Feeling just plain miserable. Any of this ring a bell?

In retrospect, I know that none of those relationships were where I needed to be. But, you never know that when you are in the middle of it. You just know the feeling and emotion that you have put into the relationship. The love and the time you have invested. It is devastating when it all goes up in smoke. Even when you know it all needs to go up in smoke.

When Marixa and I first met I knew I enjoyed being around her. After we hung around a while longer I knew that she could be someone that I could care about deeply. It didn’t take me long to know that I never wanted to hold another hand as long as I live. I knew she was the one for me. I knew something else though (and still know), our relationship has to be a priority every day. There are no days off. She is my bride and my best friend and I am all in.

I remember how the heartache feels. I don’t ever want to forget how it feels, because it reminds me how important it is to love Marixa well. I have to pay attention to her needs. I have to help her be the person she is meant to be. I have to love her the way she deserves to be loved (completely). I have to engage in our relationship so that it stays fresh and vibrant.

As I mentioned in a previous post, I am really enjoying the music of The Civil Wars. They have a very moving song called Falling (if you haven’t heard it you can watch the video below). The first line says, “Haven’t you seen me sleepwalking? Because, I’ve been holding your hand. Haven’t you noticed me drifting? Oh, let me tell you I am.”

Have you ever been in a relationship like this? One where you, or your partner has stopped noticing what is going on? Time is drifting by and one of you thinks everything is ok, but the other is really drowning? What a lonely place to be. Lonely, and totally unnecessary.

What is more important than your relationship with your spouse? Not much that I can think of. She is my partner in this life. I choose to walk with her. I choose to love her. I choose to meet her needs. Actually, I already chose these things in January of 1999. Now, I have to make that choice real every day. It takes work, but I know for sure there will be no sleepwalking in my house.