Do you remember?

For the past few nights I have been sorting memories. Ok, old papers and pictures, but they are bringing up a lot of memories. Many good. Some painful. Some things I haven’t thought of in over 10  years…or more. I have come across memoribilia from a couple of things I don’t remember doing, but I am in the pictures. (That isn’t a good feeling.) I have run across evidence of things I know I did that I wish I could forget. And, I have been bombarded with a lot of good memories.

I have enjoyed the trip back in time. It wasn’t intended as a pleasure trip though. I have been searching through this stuff to see what I can remember (or find out) about myself. Who I was back then has a bearing on who I am today. I may be completely different, but where I am now started back down that road. Parts of it have grown fuzzy. I have noticed that we tend to forget things about ourselves. Sometimes, they are very important things. Pieces of who we are and why. Life presses down on us so hard that we forget. Have you ever had times like that?

For instance, I was almost a straight A student when I was in grade school. There were a few Bs here and there, but I did really well. What do I remember? I was very unmotivated in High School. Lots of Bs and Cs. I was just as bad in college. What happened? I made the Jr. Honor Society as a kid, but I had to have my Plant Biology professor grade my final before I left the class to make sure I would pass the class so that I could graduate from college. (I was happy with the D I made in that class at the time, but looking back now I know I could have done so much better.) I still haven’t figured it all out, but I know there is something important I am missing there.

How long has it been since you examined who you are now compared to who you were back then? History really does repeat itself if we forget or neglect to remember. If we forget where we have been, we may make the same mistakes we made long ago. We may be bound by the same problems that should have already been over.

It has been painful to see my younger self in some of the pictures. (I had an unhealthy fascination with posing for the camera.) But, it has been amusing at the same time. There are things I have remembered by looking at these pictures that have been long forgotten. It has been an interesting look in the mirror. One I should have taken before now.

There comes a point when you have planned enough…

If you could win awards for drawing up brilliant plans, I am not sure I would win one. I make good plans all the time. I am not sure they are brilliant, but I do have some good ones though. I sit down and plan out my attack on whatever goal it is. Then I sit down later and plan it out a different way. Then I sit down even later and plan it out again. Did I mention that no execution followed any of the planning?

I don’t know if I just like looking a problem and figuring out ways to get around it (on paper), or I have just been scared to get my butt moving and follow one of the many plans I have drawn up (whatever the goal may be). It struck me yesterday that a plan isn’t worth a nickle if it isn’t put into action. It is just some dreams scribbled on a piece of paper. It only becomes reality when you do the work. And it may look very different when the plan is executed than you thought it would when you started off.

I was reading a blog post by Michael Hyatt the other day. He interviewed Alison Levine about her expeditions to climb Mount Everest. The first time she attempted it was in 2002 and she (and her team) had to turn back when they were 200 feet from the summit. Things did not go to plan. She took a team back to Everest last year and was able to complete the climb.

She had a plan. She set about the execution of that plan. However, she said in the video that even though they had a plan, there are times you have to take action based on the situation at hand and not necessarily stick to the plan. In her first climb the climate and situation dicatated that they turn back. There may have been major injury or death had they stuck to the plan.

I had to sit and think about the message she shared. A plan is just that a plan. It has to be put into action. It is what initially gets you moving. Once you are moving though, you have to be aware of what is going on around you. There may be things you didn’t plan for and you have to take action. Even if the plan isn’t brilliant, it can be updated on the go. The point is to get moving.

An inadvertent hiatus.

I have been on an inadvertent hiatus. It has been apparent over the last few months that my posting frequency has slowed way down. Some of this was on purpose. The first week or so anyway. I intended to take a break from the keyboard to catch up on some other stuff. I had no intentions of letting 2 months go by with very little time at the keyboard, but alas here we are.

I have attempted to sit down many times of late to start a new post. I have some things that I am going to write about in the near future, but every time I sit down to get at them they elude me. Has this ever happened to you? I park it right here in front of my screen and this heavy feeling hits me square in the face. I look at my list of topics. I pick one to start. I stare at the screen for several minutes. Frustrated I pick another topic. I sit for several minutes more. Frustrated, I get up from the computer vowing to do better tomorrow. Steven Pressfield calls this The Resistance. Over the past couple of months I have really discovered why he calls it that.

Have you ever faced The Resistance? That voice in your head telling you everything you do sucks so you shouldn’t even try? It is there. It is annoying. How do you get through this resistance though? Mr. Pressfield wrote a whole book about it called The War of Art. (Check it out if you haven’t. I don’t agree with every word of it, but it is a good read none the less.) One of the ways that I have discovered to break through The Resistance is this: I have to be willing to write some really awful stuff and keep writing anyway. This is extremely hard for me. I am the worlds worst at writing a few paragraphs and then rewriting and then deleting them all together.

I have discovered that I have to write through my whole idea first, even if I know what I am writing sucks. After I get the whole idea out, then I am allowed to edit. I catch myself going back on this a lot. I am still learning, but it seems to help.

What do you do to break through The Resistance?

If I did this in 8 weeks, what can I do in 80?

I have a workout program that I have been saving for 9 years. I did the workout routine in 2002 and have kept it ever since vowing that I would pull it back out one day. (Secretly knowing that I probably never would.) It is an 8 week program that is meant for guys younger than me, but I pulled it back out 8 weeks ago and am proud to say I finished it this morning.

I had one of those moments two months ago where I decided enough was enough. It was time to either get moving or get moving. There was no other choice. So, after much digging through old files I found the workout program and dusted it off. I had to reteach myself what many of the exercises were and how to do them properly, but in the end I am very satisfied with the progress I have made. Satisfied enough, that I am going to start the 8 week program over on Monday and see where I get in another 8 weeks.

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This brings me to this thought: If eight weeks could make me feel this good, what would 80 do? I have done my best to give this workout program my best effort. I have been sore many times, but it hasn’t stopped me from going back for the next round. What would this approach lead to if worked over a larger scale of time?

That thought leads me to the next one: in what other areas of my life can I apply this principle? If I am setting goals for the areas of my life that I want to improve and give it my best, why wouldn’t positive things happen? Answer is: they would.

I am angry with myself for my lack of motivation over these past nine years. I have done several workout plans, but have never stuck to one like this. I have no excuse for that. What has been the difference this time? I have tracked my progress. I have made notes so I won’t forget what has happened. I have done all of this with intention. No random acts. It has had purpose. It has been good.

So, I sit here at my keyboard 10+ pounds lighter than I was at the beginning of May and super excited to see what the next 8 weeks (and 80 weeks) holds. There will be other areas of my life that will be worked on in the next 8 weeks as well. More to follow!

A walk down memory lane…

I have a big black box. For as long as I can remember I have put all of the stuff I want to keep safe in it. It is a rough old box, but it has done the job well. (I have had it over 25 years. It was an army footlocker in a previous life.) This past week I went and dug it out of the storage shed for a reminder of what it contained. There were many things I had forgotten.

I have over 25 years of memories in that box. Starting from awards I won in 1983 all the way up through notes I have kept from my wife. It was very interesting to pull it all out and examine it. I spread the contents out all over my desk and began to remember. Here are a few things I discovered:

1. At one point in my life I was a straight A student. Even made the Junior Honor Society. You would never be able to tell by my grades in high school. As soon as I hit the 8th grade that high GPA was out the window. Still working on figuring out what happened there.

2.  When I got married back in 1999 I still stored some of my stuff at my parents house. Part of the storage room many of my boxes were got flooded. I remember losing a lot of keep sakes. (Should have had them in the black box!) I ran across something I was able to salvage: my high school diploma. It got messed up pretty bad. I remember being upset that it was nearly ruined. Looking back, I was upset over nearly nothing. It is a fine piece of paper, but it doesn’t tell me who I am or what I can do. It was just my parole paperwork that let me out into the real world. Who I am has been defined since then. And is still being defined.

3. There are many people I wish I hadn’t lost contact with. Many people that had a lasting impact on my life that have drifted away. At the least, I am going to contact many of them to express thanks for what they meant to me at that time in my life. I have been blessed with good friends in my life. I am thankful for that.

4. Creativity has been in my blood for a long time. I won my first talent show (for lip syncing…shhh) back in 1984. I was in the special music class in 5th grade. In the dance club in 6th grade. In Show Choir in the 8th grade, 10th – 12th grades, and for my first year of college. I was a music major for the first two years of college. A music minister for 2 years. I have played the guitar for 14 years now. The piano for 17. I am not as good as I should be at all of it after all this time, but I have never been able to shake it. It is a part of who I am. Now, the question is what do I do with it? I am still working on that one.

5. I have been writing stuff for almost 20 years. I have looked back through much of what I wrote back thing. In a word? Yuk. A lot of it was really bad, but some of it was not as bad as the rest. Progressively it has gotten better over the years. Nice to know that the work in progress really is progressing.

There are other stops I made on the memory journey. I will save those for another time. I have walked away with a snapshot of myself. I see myself in the shadows of that big black box. I see who I was. I see who I am. I catch glimpses of what is to be. It is good to remember. It can help us move forward. I know it is helping me.