I shaved my beard a few days ago. I will be honest, it shocked me a bit. I haven’t seen my face in over 5 years. After I finished chemotherapy the beard was my return to normal and I have wanted to keep it that way. I am in a musical in a few weeks and my character has to be clean shaven. So, I am being a team player and the beard is on pause for a few weeks.

What does this have to do with candor David? Hang with me, I am getting there.

After I shaved the beard my wife and son both expressed their displeasure. It reminds them of a time where I was not doing so well. But, I see it as a time to create a new memory with a face that I am not used to seeing. In giving me feedback on how I looked, my son told me that he had a comparison in his head that he didn’t want to say out loud. I invited him to share his thoughts. He told me I looked like Brendan Fraser in the Whale. Ouch.

In the past I would have been hurt by these words. I mean, come on. Brendan Fraser was playing a character who weighed 600 pounds. Really? That is what you think I look like? But, that is not how I responded. I knew what my son meant. I don’t look like I weigh 600 pounds. However, my face is full and I am still on my journey to be healthier.

I love that my boy can be honest with me. I want candor in my life. He was honest with me. I agree with him. I prefer the beard as well. I also love that he wanted to be honest with me and didn’t want to hurt my feelings. He is honest and kind. A good combination.

Do you embrace candor? What are your thoughts on how it should be handled?

I read this verse this morning and had to pause. God doesn’t just care about us. He doesn’t just notice when we are in sorrow. He collects our tears. He writes our sorrows down in His book. Why would He do this? The only thing I can think of is Revelation 21: 1-4 where He wipes ever tear away. Even those collected in the bottles. God is good and His love endures forever.

I felt like I got punched in the face today. Ever had a day like that? I had a plan of what I was going to get done. I had goals that were going to be achieved. I was going to finish early so I could sit back and be impressed with the day. Did any of that happen? No.

Within 5 minutes the direction of my whole day turned on a dime. David, we are seeing this issue. David, could you take a look at this. David, why is this doing that? Part of my job is solving problems. I really enjoy it. I just don’t want to solve all of them at once, because I will then solve nothing at all.

What do you do on days like that? I have three steps for you. Of course, there are way more than three, but these usually do the trick for me.

1. Find a space and let your mind go quiet. When all of the noise and all of the voices are demanding attention, sometimes the best thing you can do is take a step back and find some quiet. Breathe. Let your mind slow down for just a few minutes and you will be amazed at how it makes sense of things for you. Just like it was designed to do.
2. Spend time with those closest to you. For me, that is my wife and son. Nobody can calm me down like they can. Hugs and laughter. It does the trick.
3. Most importantly, prayer. I believe that God is here with me. All I have to do is stop long enough to talk with him. Express my frustrations and give him them to him. I am then reminded that He is in control and I can relax and do what I need to do.

It is my sincere hope that days like this are few and far between for you. However, I know the reality you face is much like mine. Sometimes it is a daily affair and the only way through is to have a plan.

What works for you when you feel like you have been punched in the face?

An excellent wife is the crown of her husband, but she who brings shame is like rottenness (cancer) in his bones.Proverbs 12:4 ESV

I have a friend who went through a divorce a few years ago. He did what he could, but his now ex wife would not relent and left him. Their marriage had been rough. They were married for well over 20 years. He had wanted to find life in their marriage, but she would have nothing to do with it.

I remember sitting in his office as he worked through the frustrations and the pain. Although there were hard times, this was a man who did not want to give up. It was only after he had exhausted all available avenues that the end finally came. I respect him greatly for the effort he put in. Many men would not have done it.

Fast forward to this year. He met a good woman after his divorce. They attend church together. They are trying to make good choices. I have had the chance to see a man who was riddled with a cancerous relationship now find a woman who is his crown.

I got the pleasure of attending their wedding. I witnessed two people who have been though their share of hurts and frustrations act like young kids in love. They were so excited to stand in front of the crowd. They were excited to exchange their vows. They were giddy when the ceremony was complete.

The verse above is so true. This man is night and day different than he was a few years ago. I am proud to know him. I am proud of the way he has persevered. I am so happy for the friend he has found. She is his queen and his crown.

I married my excellent one almost 24 1/2 years ago. I know how it feels.  

It’s day eight of my 100-day strong journey, and I’m finally starting to feel a sense of normalcy again. It’s a pleasant feeling, but I can’t afford to become complacent.

I’ve been reflecting on why this attempt is different from my previous failures, and I’ve come up with a couple of thoughts I’d like to share:

1. The first crucial step is getting into the right mindset. The first time I successfully completed the 100-day strong challenge, I had reached a breaking point with my circumstances. I not only recognized the need for change, but I felt compelled to change. When I tried again earlier this year, my motivations were unclear, and I wasn’t in the right frame of mind. However, that has changed this time around. I’m back to viewing this as a necessary endeavor that must be accomplished.
2. Being in the right mindset also means having clearly defined reasons for pushing forward. Over the past few months, I allowed some of my practices to slip and noticed I had become a bit complacent. I regained some weight I had previously lost. Considering these factors, my reasons for pursuing this challenge have become much clearer.

I believe that a key to success lies in failing and getting back up quickly. It’s irrational to think that we’ll never encounter failure, and expecting perfection is borderline insane. Instead, we must practice picking ourselves up as soon as we stumble or realize that we’ve fallen.

There’s no magic formula to it. I simply need to be aware of the goal I’m pursuing and relentlessly pursue it until I achieve it. Sometimes success comes swiftly, while other times it takes considerably longer. The important thing is to keep moving forward. It all begins with the right frame of mind.